The Power of Kindness and Hope in Recovery
As individuals working on sobriety, we can – and should – turn to our community of peers who are also on a path of recovery. These communities are filled with kind, supportive people, we feel less alone. Our “peers” are people in the same boat as us, and we have access to mentor figures who understand the struggles of substance use and can guide us in overcoming it without inflicting feelings of shame, guilt, or disappointment.
Unfortunately, the opposite is also true: when we don’t feel accepted by our recovery community, we’re less likely to accept ourselves or others. This type of environment not only eliminates the positive effects mentioned above but also the potential for building self-confidence and self-efficacy. Let’s explore the power that simple things like kindness and hope can have in our recovery.
The Role of Kindness in Recovery
Not too long ago, I attended an AA meeting where one of the older gentlemen was starting to speak in a judgemental way to someone who had a setback. While this is not a common occurrence in such a meeting, it isn’t unheard of. However, it’s what happened next that set the tone for that meeting and still sticks out in my mind today.
After the judgemental comment, a woman spoke up and reminded us all why we were there. She said, ‘We are here to wrap our arms around each other, not judge. Be kind.’ I thought this gentle, beautiful reminder was such an effective way to not only address the gentleman’s perception of recurrence – something we all face every day as members of the recovery community – but also to reframe how we treat one another as we face common challenges.
I believe it’s incredibly important for members of a recovery community to hold each other accountable, not just for abstaining from
substance use. We need to hold each other accountable for maintaining an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance, as opposed to one of shunning or accusations. Had no one spoken up, how many listeners in the group might have begun to doubt the validity of their recovery journeys? How many would have assumed everyone looked down on those who resume substance use at some point in recovery? How many would be less likely to seek support and guidance from their community for fear of such judgment? Worse, how many would silently stop attending altogether?
If someone in recovery thinks their peers would look down on them for their “missteps” or judge them for actively fighting painful inner battles, they may begin viewing themselves as undeserving of help or incapable of success. Many individuals already feel the weight of society’s stigma against those with substance use disorder and even those in recovery – in fact, many feel persecuted by the very people who are expected to support them (their family and other loved ones). If we in the recovery community enforce the idea of having the “perfect” recovery without stumbles along the way or that recurrence speaks to one’s dedication or conviction, we risk removing the only support network people have.
This further emphasizes the importance of cultivating a community for non-judgmental recovery wherein individuals can seek solace and support, regardless of their experiences or approach to sobriety. What matters is that we’re here to help build each other up and that we all have the desire, and hope, to improve.
Cultivating a Kind and Supportive Recovery Community
If you’re interested in learning more about creating a supportive environment in recovery, there are a few steps I’ve personally found to be powerful and impactful.
Prioritize Effective Communication
The main approach I find effective in supporting your peers and cultivating an understanding community is prioritizing the importance of quality communication. Open and honest communication is instrumental to the recovery process. As we work on showing others we’re actively listening to their story and experiences, we, in turn, trust that they’re hearing us with the same level of understanding, compassion, and non-judgmental support.
Some ways to practice better communication are to make an effort to be a good listener – and don’t forget to consider how your body language reflects your demeanor. Work on being attentive and focused when others are sharing their thoughts, rather than worrying about your own and being preoccupied with preparing your words. Then, convey your willingness to listen through non-verbal cues, such as eye contact and appearing approachable. Finally, remain open to criticism and feedback, and be sure you’re willing to become vulnerable yourself at times.
Keep a Level Head
Additionally, it’s important to remain calm and composed when another person offers constructive criticism or feedback on your approach to recovery. Members of your community share their perspectives as a way to help you and hopefully inspire reflection. Responding to their opinions in a way that shows you’ve truly considered the point they’re trying to make not only to avoid unnecessary conflict but to encourage a space for civil, thoughtful discussion.
Build Trust
I know it’s not always easy for some of us, especially in the beginning or after a recurrence event. However, taking that leap to have and continue having meaningful conversations can make significant strides in building (or repairing) trust with your peers and the community overall. You never know who might be positively impacted by your words or what someone else’s input can offer you in your recovery journey.
Hope in Sobriety as a Driving Force in the Recovery Journey
One of the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous is hope. In AA, hope refers to the belief that you are capable of overcoming any addiction that takes hold in your life. For many, this belief is tied to religion and connecting to a higher power from which you can draw hope. While this is an effective viewpoint for many individuals in recovery, that doesn’t mean hope isn’t attainable for those who proceed with their own idea of a higher power.
The principle of hope in recovery essentially means acknowledging that there’s likely to be some bad days in the future, as life’s challenges won’t cease for those on the path of sobriety nor anyone else – but despite this, to remember in those dark moments that brighter days will come. In addition, hope means that there are many effective ways to cope and ease adversity in the meantime. It’s important for people working towards recovery to maintain a sense of hope or have a way they can access that sense of hope and belief; having hope is to find strength and to recognize that there is strength in believing the future has potential for prosperity.
Without hope or the conviction to find that strength to believe, the endeavor of recovery will only seem all the more unattainable. Similarly, a person’s state of mind inherently influences the effectiveness of their recovery journey.
Maintaining hope is often directly tied to compassion in AA meetings. Compassion is the gentle yet honest support of others as they are on their road towards recovery. Compassion also means allowing yourself that same grace and understanding. This is why other principles of Alcoholics Anonymous include forgiveness, acceptance, self-focus, and self-awareness.
A Hopeful Approach to Your Own Mental Health and Kindness
To be hopeful in recovery doesn’t just mean being supportive of others and practicing kindness. To have hope that you can overcome substance use also means that you’re actively being kind and understanding of yourself by considering your mental health and overall well-being. Being kind to oneself means taking measures to improve all aspects of pursuing wellness – recovery is not separate from the other areas of your life but should instead permeate throughout your life.
It’s critical to care for your physical and environmental well-being during the early part of recovery, but it is equally essential to tend to other areas of your wellness:
- Emotional – Emotional wellness can be described as being in touch with your feelings and learning how to express and communicate these feelings to those around you.
- Intellectual – Intellectual wellness involves activities that stimulate and exercise your mind, such as gaining new skills or hobbies.
- Financial – By making an effort to manage your financial resources and debts, you’re creating stability for your future and eliminating unnecessary stress.
- Occupational – Occupational wellness can mean prioritizing a work-life balance, volunteering, or taking the steps towards a career that’s more suited to your interests/needs. The goal is to feel fulfilled and connected with others, and knowing your work is something you truly care about can be an important first step.
- Social – Social wellness can mean building a support system, seeking social opportunities, making new friends, or repairing old relationships. Often, all are necessary to ensure recovery is easier and more enjoyable compared to isolation.
- Spiritual – Spiritual wellness may or may not involve religion, but fundamentally, it’s knowing or reflecting on your personal philosophies and beliefs. Taking action that speaks to these beliefs can bring you a sense of peace and balance.
This holistic approach creates a stronger foundation for recovery because just as active substance abuse impacts and is impacted by all areas of your life, so does one’s sobriety. When you begin to understand the ways you practice self-supporting and kindness towards yourself, you become more attuned to how others may benefit from similar methods. Offering others your advice, insights, and encouragement in recovery can make all the difference in the world for someone trying to find a sustainable, sober lifestyle that works for them.
Communication Benefits You, Too
While communication is key for ensuring others know you are supportive and available when they need you most, it benefits you, too. Being an active listener and offering your support and tips for wellness with your community is most effective when you yourself are vulnerable and open. It’s important to be empathetic to the pain of others while also being honest about your own life experiences and struggles. It can be powerful for others when you show humility and vulnerability while maintaining an air of positivity and perseverance, and it helps you continue to build connections as you move forward.
The goal of recovery, particularly approaching the journey with a sense of hope and kindness towards others and yourself, is to build upon your psychosocial skills and establish a strong, supportive network. As you repair strained relationships, create new ones, and learn how to navigate with others in your recovery community, you are enhancing your path of recovery. You’re equipping yourself with the tools, know-how, healthy outlets, and support that will help you manage your substance abuse disorder and forge new ways to grapple with life’s struggles, all while expressing yourself and helping others do the same.
Be a Pillar of Support for Others As Others Are for You
The path of recovery and wellness isn’t known for being linear or effortless. Understand that wherever you are in your recovery, there’s no such thing as a step backward. Hope encourages you to look forward, believing you have the strength to carry yourself to better days.
Being hopeful also entails forgiving yourself for faltering and experiencing setbacks, and extending others that same kindness. Empathy in addiction treatment is something too many of us did not experience at the beginning of the recovery journey, and it’s important to do our best to give it to others now. Sometimes, the small pushes genuine kindness can give us are all we need to maintain the hope necessary to continue in recovery.
I hope something here comforted you or inspired you to go forward as an active contributor in creating a compassionate space within your own recovery community. Together, we can cultivate an atmosphere that reassures others that they can lean on us when they’re feeling lost and one that you can trust when you’re in need. Don’t forget – there’s always a way to keep going and someone willing to listen because you’re never alone.
Stay strong,
Jim
